Thinking Not the Best Plan
by adliren
Summary: Rachel’s having nightmares that may push her into a confrontation she’s not ready for. spoilers through book 7 *femslash*


Title: Thinking - Not the Best Plan  
Fandom: The Hollows  
Pairing: Ivy/Rachel  
Rating: Mature, R, what-have-you  
Word Count: 3239  
Spoilers: YES, through book 7 White Witch, Black Curse

Summary: Rachel's having nightmares that may push her into a confrontation she's not ready for.

***********

I gathered power, more than I ever had before, and threw it at the dark cavern before me. I would seal its grisly contents forever or die trying, and I was dying. The power rushed through me uncontrollably and I screamed. My flesh blistered and peeled off to expose the bone, and I screamed. My vocal cords melted in my throat, and still I screamed . . . but no one heard me or came to help me.

And then I woke up. My throat was raw and my legs and arms were tangled in the sheet. I felt like I was suffocating and could barely breathe. Fighting the cloth around me, I got shakily to my feet and headed toward the bathroom. I turned on the shower and made it as cold as I could stand. I was on fire, burning up from the inside.

As the water rained down on me raising goose bumps on my skin, I tried to listen for any noise within the church, but there was nothing, which made sense. Jenks or Ivy would have been rushing to my rescue if they had been able to hear my screams. Jenks was most likely at the stump tending to Matalina, and Ivy, well she was either on a run or at Glenn's. Lately she had been staying at his place, probably thinking it was easier for me. Of course it was actually harder since she wasn't here, and dammit I needed her here.

"Pathetic witch," I mumbled into the spray. "Can't even get over a nightmare on your own."

Yet it wasn't just a dream. It had really happened. I had almost fried myself burying the secret of Kisten's final resting place. I was seconds from becoming just another witch who had twisted a black curse and paid the price, but I had been spared. Someone had been my shield, had cared enough for me to take the pain. Unlike my dream I wasn't alone, and Turn take me if that didn't scare the crap out me.

Twenty minutes later I was curled up in Ivy's chair with a cup of coffee. I wasn't really sure what to do with myself. It was much too early for decent Inderlanders to be up, but I had zero interest in going back to sleep. I suppose I could have worked on some spells I had been meaning to perfect, or studied in case Al decided to hold a pop quiz, but really I was right were I wanted to be, surrounded by Ivy's lingering scent.

'The only thing better would be wrapped up in Ivy's arms.' I sighed and then tried to shake the thought out of my head, my still wet curls slapping me in the face. It was thoughts like those that got me into trouble. Ivy had a boyfriend now and she was happy, I could see it on her face, in her posture. She was more relaxed and she smiled more. I couldn't take that away from her, even if I had come to some long overdue realizations.

"And in true Rachel Morgan style, it took a near death experience to finally make me face the truth," I announced to the empty church. I laughed at the dying echoes, mostly so I wouldn't cry. Nothing is more pitiable than a crying witch, especially one with my complexion.

"What truth would that be, Rachael?"

Before I could consciously identify the voice, my hand twitched and my front was subsequently covered in hot coffee. I let out a small shriek at the pain. What was it with me and burning this morning? Even as I jumped to my feet, a towel was dangling in my face along with a whiff of vampire incense.

"Ivy, what the Hell?!" I yelled, grabbing the towel from her hands and dabbing at my soaked shirt. Looking up at her I noticed the expanding black ring of her eyes . . . eyes that were focused on my front. "Hey!" I wrapped the towel around my chest and did the best I could to meet her stare.

"I'm sorry. I thought you heard me come in." At least her voice sounded sincere, and she did look like she was sorry. Of course anyone else would have just seen her tough "I'm a living vampire, I don't show emotion" face, but I knew better. After living together all this time I could see the slight remorse, and the amusement, in her expression.

"Well I didn't," I snapped back. I knew I was acting bitchy, but I couldn't help it. After the nightmare and my earlier thoughts, and now being covered in rapidly cooling coffee, I just needed to bite someone's head off. And unfortunately, Ivy was the only one around. "Couldn't you just wear a bell or something?" The black ring of her irises expanded even more, this time in anger not arousal.

"Sure, Rachel. How about I get a nice collar with a bell on it? It's not like you don't control every part of my life anyway, let's make it official." I saw her regret even as the words left her mouth, so it didn't surprise me when she turned almost faster than my eyes could follow and headed for the kitchen.

"Ivy, wait," I called after her, but she was already gone. I briefly considered my options. I could go change my shirt and give her time to cool off, or I could follow her, a big no-no, and confront her when she obviously wasn't in the mood to deal with my issues. I headed for the kitchen. Hey, at least I'm predictable.

I found Ivy leaning over the sink, arms and shoulder muscles tight beneath her black leather jacket. She looked like she was expecting a blow, and it saddened me to realize this was how most of our conversations had started recently.

"You shouldn't have followed me, Rachel. I can't deal with this tonight." I slowly moved to the table and sat in one of the chairs, careful to keep my breathing even and not make any sudden moves.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I knew it was lame, and it earned me the glare I deserved before she turned back around, but honestly I didn't know what else to say.

"No, I don't want to talk. I'm so tired of talking and not getting anywhere with you. Of course each time I stop talking and act, things just get even worse." There was a hopelessness to her voice I hadn't heard since before Piscary died his final death, and it scared me.

"Um, okay. I know it's not a big surprise, but I'm confused," I said, trying to lighten the mood even at my own expense. "What did I do this time?"

"That's exactly it, Rachel. You didn't *do* anything. Just like you never *do* anything." She still hadn't turned to look at me so I couldn't see her eyes, but from her tone I imagined they were mostly black. I waited for a few moments, but she didn't say anything else.

"Sorry, I'm still confused," and in less time than it would have taken me to snap my fingers (if I could, not everyone can do it, it's a skill okay) Ivy's face was inches from my own. I let out a surprised squeak before I could control it and watched as her eyes dilated to full black.

"I thought you would finally get it, but it's just like it's always been. You felt the connection, I know you did. We were joined completely and you know it was good, Rachel. We could be like that all the time if you let us. I could protect you and you wouldn't have to be so afraid, but you're running away from the solution like always, and I'm tired of it." She backed out of my personal space. "I'm so tired of it."

I wanted to reach out and pull her back, but I left my hands in my lap, even I wasn't that stupid, but now I was frustrated. Who was she to attack me and my decisions out of nowhere? Of course I had felt it when she had channeled and protected me from the magic backlash. Of course I had felt our auras join and the connection that even in my own head I couldn't put into words, but it wasn't as simple as she was making it seem. I wanted that connection just as much as she did, maybe more, but to have it all the time came with a price. One she had set and I didn't think I could give. I was frustrated and hurt, and unfortunately I did what I usually do in those situations, I lashed out.

"Well it's not like there's even a place for me anymore. What are you going to do Ivy, split yourself between me and Glenn? You share that oh-so-wonderful connection with me, and just keep him around for when I'm not fucking you enough?" The words floated in the air for a moment, both of us shocked by my outburst. "I . . . I'm sorry . . . I didn't mean . . ." I trailed off, uncertain what I wanted to say, how to apologize.

"Don't bother." Ivy stepped back farther away from me and looked at her vamp made boots. "You'd think by now I'd know better than to push you on this." She laughed softly, and the hair on my arms rose. There was no humor to the sound, it was hollow and empty. "Just so you know, I broke up with Glenn tonight. Also, I would never get tired of *fucking* with you," and then she was gone, and this time I didn't see her move.

"Shit, shit, shit." Each word was accompanied by a dull thunk as my head hit the hardwood table. "Stupid (thunk), stupid (thunk), witch (thunk)." I had been sitting in the kitchen for the past hour trying to figure out how things had gone so horribly wrong, and beating my brains out periodically while working up the courage to really apologize to Ivy. I knew seeking her out again was a sure way to potentially shorten my life span, but I couldn't leave things the way they were. Ivy and I had fought before, okay we fought most of the time, but this had felt different. It felt vicious and somehow permanent in a way our fights hadn't before. Something needed to be done.

Gathering my limited courage, I walked to Ivy's room and knocked softly. There was no answer, not a good sign. Somehow I knew she wasn't asleep, so I drew on my good-old-fashioned Rachel Morgan stubbornness and entered anyway.

I found Ivy resting with her back against the headboard, black silk sheets bunched around her waist with a book in her hands. I took two steps into the room and softly closed the door behind me, sealing off my potential escape route. Ivy slowly removed her sexy (sexy?!) glasses and waited for me to talk. I had planned this out. I was going to sincerely apologize and then leave. Short and simple.

"I had a nightmare." So, of course random words popped out of my mouth. Ivy raised an eyebrow, a maneuver she had perfected living with me.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Right, well, thanks." I could feel her getting impatient so I decided to see where I was going with this. "I had a nightmare about sealing Kist, um, sealing his tomb down there. I was burning alive and no one was there to help me. You weren't there to help me." So far, so good. "I've been having those nightmares or similar ones for a while now. I feel so unsure when you're not here. I miss all the little things that make up our life together." Wow, I was on a roll. "I've admitted I love you as a friend, but I can admit that I need you too. I need you in my work, in my life, and in my bed if that's what it takes." Could I apologize or what . . . wait, what?!

For possibly the first time I had the pleasure of seeing Ivy's jaw drop, which coincidently, gave me a good look at her petite fangs. My mind was spinning. I quickly tried to think of a way to backpedal, but Ivy must have sensed it. Before I could utter a single syllable, I was backed up against her door staring into her rapidly shrinking brown irises.

"You're always at your best when you stop thinking, Rachel . . . and your most honest." She chuckled lightly, the air blowing soft and warm over my face and neck, making my scar tingle.

"Thank you," I barely breathed in response, but my wet shirt still managed to graze her chest. I must have been sensitized by the mild burn because a shiver raced up my spine as we made contact. I instantly regretted not changing my clothes before confronting Ivy. Even when I tried to plan things out, I always forgot about the details. "Ivy, I didn't -" Slightly cool fingers met my lips and kept me from speaking.

"Don't. You meant it when you weren't thinking." Her black eyes met my green with a predator' focus . . . if a predator could love its prey. "The question is, can you mean it now?"

I felt it. Whatever answer I gave now would change my life. If I said no I could go on pretending that I didn't have "those kinds of feelings" for another woman, but I would lose her; maybe not today, or even this year, but eventually. Or, I could say yes and deal with the consequences.

I didn't really think I had much to be proud of in my relatively short life, but one thing you could say about Rachel Mariana Morgan, when it truly mattered, I never backed down.

"Yes."

Ivy closed her eyes and rested her forehead on my shoulder. "Thank you." Her breath puffed against my neck, playing on my scar, but I didn't move away. In fact, I brought my arms up to pull her tighter against me. I managed not to jump when she started to kiss my neck. After a minute of this I gently pushed her back far enough to see her eyes. They were completely black and seething with desire, making my breath catch in the back of my throat. She laughed softly, a full, rich, loving sound. I could have listened to her laugh like that for the rest of my life. I slowly moved my hand up to her cheek and caressed the smooth skin. I remembered the rules, it was my move. I gently cupped the back of her head and pulled down a bit. Our lips met softly, barely brushing together. It was wonderful. We were wonderful.

After several soft, gentle kisses, I felt Ivy lean forward and apply more pressure. Reacting on instinct I opened my mouth slightly. I gasped when Ivy's tongue surged forward into my mouth brushing against my own. Not to be outdone I quickly invaded her mouth in return, careful not to cut myself on her fangs. I wanted this to be about us and not a blood balance. That would come later, but right now I was addicted to the simple feeling of Ivy.

Minutes passed as we continued to kiss, our bodies swaying closer together. Suddenly it wasn't enough. I pushed forward, backing Ivy up against her bed. With a teasing smile I pushed on her chest. She played along and fell back on the bed. I took a moment to admire her in her black camisole. Her skin seemed to glow set against the dark color. Slowly I pulled my coffee stained t-shirt over my head and let it fall to the floor. Instantly black eyes locked onto my chest making me smile. Getting one knee and then the other on the bed, I straddled her hips, careful not to touch. I leaned down and kissed her again deeply as my hands worked at removing her clothing. I didn't complain when her own hands removed my shorts and panties, leaving us both naked. Gradually I lowered myself until I was lying completely on top of her, skin to skin. I couldn't stop the small moan that escaped, but it was drowned out by Ivy's hiss of pleasure.

Feeling bold, I brought a hand up to cup Ivy's breast. I slowly kneaded and then circled the tip with my finger. Ivy brought a hand up and tangled it in my hair, crashing our mouths together again and again. I repeated my treatment on her other breast, loving the soft, heavy feeling in my hands. I kissed my way down her neck and chest, Ivy's hand guiding me until my lips found a nipple. Her hips surged into mine and I groaned even as I sucked and gently nipped the skin.

As I used my mouth to play with her breasts, my hand slowly made it's way to her center. The first brush of my fingers against her wet folds had her whimpering my name. Desperate to hear the sound again, I pressed forward finding her clit with my fingers. I circled it gently at first then harder when she continued to breathe my name into my hair. Keeping my thumb on her bud, I pressed one and then two fingers into her, thrilling at the slick pulsing. I brought my head up to her ear. "Come for me, Ivy." Her mouth opened in a silent scream as she tightened and jerked around me, almost sending me off the bed before collapsing.

For several minutes she stayed completely unmoving, as if she had met her first death. I pulled myself next to her and laid a hand on her chest, sighing when I felt the reassuring beat of her heart. Eventually she moved and turned her head to look at me. Her eyes had some brown around edges, but were still mainly black.

"You're a fast learner." Her voice was a little breathless and slightly shocked, making me laugh.

"Well, I might have been thinking about this subconsciously, you know, hypothetically." I tried to look anywhere but at her, knowing she could see me blushing even in the dark of her room.

"Right, hypothetically. So if I wanted to return the favor that would be alright, hypothetically." I smiled and gently kissed her.

"I'm counting on it."

And like always, she delivered.

The next afternoon found us snuggled up on the couch drinking coffee, just enjoying the new closeness. Of course Jenks noticed right away and teased us unmercifully until I was beet red and Ivy was threatening to tear out his stump, after which her flew off presumably to tell Matalina. I rested my head back against Ivy's shoulder breathing in her calming pheromones mixed with my own scent.

"I was thinking. Did you mean what you said about getting a collar? I think I would enjoy that, with or without the bell. Your choice." Brown eyes filled with love and an almost painful happiness slid over to me.

"Never going to happen."

I batted my eyelashes innocently. Hey, a witch can dream.


End file.
